I teach clients that anger is a secondary emotion often triggered by conflict that overshadows more primary emotions such as hurt, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness.
When this distinction between secondary and primary emotions is understood clients are more willing to acknowledge their vulnerabilities. This willingness to be vulnerable engenders compassion which is an antidote to anger.
It is compassion that allows us to hear what those with whom we are in conflict are saying, so that we can find ways to reduce judgment and blame and manage the tensions between us.
